Our Wedding – Part 1 (The Beasts)

Our Wedding   Part 1 (The Beasts) popular rants interracial marriage family relationships  suegra Our Wedding Mi vida marriage biculturalism

Wedding Horrors

My husband and I were very much in love and excited to finally be getting married.  We had been together for almost four years by the time we’d gotten hitched, a fact that drove my hubby crazy because he started asking me to marry him after just three months of dating…lol.  It wasn’t difficult to see that he wasn’t ready at that time though.  It wasn’t his level of commitment, but more the fact that he wasn’t prepared for the responsibility of marriage or living on his own.  He couldn’t balance a checkbook, wake himself up for work on-time or comfortably handle emotional discussions about our relationship.  There was a lot I had to learn too.  I was very naive about so many things and didn’t have the tools to deal with a real relationship because I’d never been in one before.  I’d never dealt with the ups and downs or disagreements.  If I’d ever had a disagreement, I just walked away.  I think both of us were tired of fighting because neither of us had parents in a loving relationship.  We just didn’t even know what that would look like or how to get there.  So we took that four years to learn how to love each other, to show commitment, to have long talks about what we wanted in life and to make plans for our future.

When we finally got married we were a little unsure if we would make it because of all the nepotism from family members, but we were very hopeful.  We were in love, the most real and complete love either of us had ever known, and we weren’t going to give that up for anyone!  We took criticism for being interracial, for marrying in the Catholic church (my family isn’t Catholic) and for being poor…of all ridiculous things!  None of our parents married with money, but they all expected us to have lots of it before we should be “allowed” to get married or have children.  Look, we were raised poor, we were used to it and we didn’t feel that a six figure income was a requirement for living.  Yes, it’s wonderfully helpful, but NOT a requirement.

The wedding plans continued and there were often new gripes about this or that.  Cuñada y suegra even tried to tell us how we should kiss…give me a break!  Our family members threatened that they would not attend a Catholic wedding (mine), or one that might embarrass them by being too tacky (his); remember our original Texan/western theme?  If that’s tacky, so be it…it’s who we are…lol.  The suegros were a pain all the way through and my family had mixed reactions.  I had some horrible things thrown my way and was even told by suegra that she didn’t want to deal with me at all (the eve before our wedding), she’d rather have a middle man to interpret between us so she wouldn’t have to be around me.  That really hurt…probably even more than my mother saying she wouldn’t be attending our wedding because of our religion.  My suegra and I had been like mother and daughter prior to the engagement, so the whole situation was just too much to take in and I really didn’t understand what I could have done to warrant the attack.  Like some have suggested, it was likely the idea of me stealing away her one and only son…the baby of the family.  We had plans to move away right after the wedding too (more fuel for the fire)…to the city where I had started attending college the previous fall (two hours away).

Our Wedding   Part 1 (The Beasts) popular rants interracial marriage family relationships  suegra Our Wedding Mi vida marriage biculturalism Regardless, the wedding and reception went on and there was a noticeable tension throughout the day.  We were stressed and trying our best to juggle everyone and make sure that nobody was offended…or went off and killed each other! Our families never really met before the wedding (suegros weren’t interested) so that was another stress.  We tried our best to forget it all and during the wedding we were so excited to finally be getting married that we barely noticed anyone around us…that was a plus!  We looked at each other adoringly throughout the Mass and probably made my suegra and cuñada sick, but at least we were married…really a miracle when you think about it!  And making the in-laws irritated can be it’s own little plus…yeah, that’s right, we’re married!  How do ya like me now!???  Lol!  ;)

Anyway, there were a lot of good bits too, but I’ll save those for the next installment.  Hasta sábado!  (until Saturday)  =)

Read part 2 >>

 

Comments

  1. Me and the Mexican says

    Loved ur story and can't wait to hear more. I hate that there were so many stress factors for you guys! I remember my dad and mom telling me how my grandparents (mom's side) couldn't stand him and didn't want them to get married and then after they got married they changed religions which really set my grandparents off and they didn't speak to my parents for about a year! luckily, they ended up loving my dad in the long run! I'm sure deep down, your suegra is glad her son has such a wonderful wife! it may have very well been you marrying her baby that set her off during that time.
    Keep posting, love reading ur blog chica!

    • Chantilly Pati&ntild says

      Thanks amiguita. :) I know that she still wants a relationship with me because my hubby told me that she talked with him after our daughter was born about how much she regretted that we weren't close anymore. I'm not happy about it either and would rather have her in our life…hopefully in the future things will get ironed out. If she ever sees fit to fix things, she knows how to reach us. I would love for my daughter to have an abuelita and tía, but won't allow her to be hurt in the process. <3

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