Happy Mother’s Day! Better Believe It, You Are MOM Enough!

So, yesterday I was up late finishing up my take on the TIME magazine breastfeeding cover shot, just in time for Mother’s Day.  You know, the one where they call mothers out as being either fanatics or not quite “good enough”, and I couldn’t help thinking about all the mud slinging going around this Mother’s Day.

In a desperate attempt to spur on the mom wars and poke at our sometimes fragile mom identities, TIME has chosen Mother’s Day as the perfect time to remind mothers yet again, just how lacking we are in society’s eyes.  Well, you know what?  We don’t have to take that.

Just a little reminder to say, YOU ARE MOM ENOUGH.  And not only that, but you are a SUPER MOM.  You are a generation of moms that really does it ALL…work, home, kids and seriously…EVERYTHING ELSE.  And you know what?  We do WAY more than ENOUGH.  WAY MORE.  And we shouldn’t have to be judged like this for everything we do.

Images like the one in TIME are solely for magazine sales IMO, because if you talk to any mom, she’ll tell you that we do twice is much work as the men and still make it look EASY.  Easy enough that when men have to take over our tasks for the day, they’re more than frazzled.  We also do more research that anyone on the planet…moms don’t take these decisions lightly and we often have to make them without support.  A sign of our strength and determination.  So when do we get credit for that?  When do we get credit for going AGAINST the grain?

So I say, TIME, let’s focus on nurturing APPRECIATION for the work moms do and focus a little less on penalizing moms for choices that we know very little about.

FOCUS on a more DIVERSE group of moms and might actually learn a thing or two.  Just a thought.

© 2012, Chantilly Patiño. All rights reserved.

The Good & Bad of TIME Magazine’s Breastfeeding Cover

TIME Magazine’s new breastfeeding cover has people up in arms and it’s easy to see why.  Not only is she nursing a toddler, a known taboo in much of American culture, but she’s also sexed up in tight pants and a killer confident pose that almost says, “I’m anything but a mom”.

So what are we to make of this mom, known only as the “creepy breastfeeding lady on TIME”?

Well, here’s what we know.  Her name is Jamie Lynne Grumet and she’s the blogger behind I am Not the Babysitter.

Want to know more about her?  Follow Jamie on Facebook and Twitter.  Read her interview in TIME.

She is also the mom to two boys, one by birth and the second by transracial adoption from Ethiopia.  Jaime is an advocate for extended and adoptive breastfeeding and practices many of the principles of attachment parenting that are mentioned in books by author Dr. Bill Sears.

Now, that said.  While I think Jaime is probably a great mom and I respect her as another mom who appreciates attachment parenting.  I have to admit…this campaign is messed up.

Here’s why…

TIME Magazine’s Breastfeeding Cover Shot Dissected

To start, this image creeps me out…for exactly the reasons mentioned on Babble.  Babble nailed it.  TIME is sexualizing breastfeeding (especially extended breastfeeding) and twisting it to seem like something “extreme” and “unnatural”.  This kind of media messaging is exactly why breastfeeding is so taboo in our society.  It’s shown in the media as something sexual and perverse, which is not at all the reality.

For me, a mom who has nursed a near four year old, I don’t think this situation is extreme at all.  The matter of fact is that the way in which the scene was shot is a matter of perverting reality for magazine sales.  The second image of Jamie cradling her son rang more true for nursing moms, but that wasn’t the shot they chose.  TIME magazine chose this shot…one that was obviously set up to show the “extremes” of attachment parenting.

Here we have a very petite mom with a rather large three year old positioned on a chair to dramatize his height and make him look even larger than he actually is.  I’m sure it’s also no accident that this little guy is wearing camo and grey versus a Thomas & Friends T-shirt.  A nice media trick on the part of the TIME staff.  They also sexed up this “hot mom” quite a bit to make her “feminism” and her son’s supposed “masculinity” even more opposite and alarming.  The impression is that this woman, appearing as “un-momly” (read: young, single and date-worthy) as possible, is nursing a full-on “man child”.

Thanks TIME, this image definitely furthers the perception of extended breastfeeding as being “natural” in the eyes of mainstream America. *SARCASM*

I have to say, this image really didn’t do much for creating a positive perception of breastfeeding for new nursing moms.  In fact, it’s probably something that will bring more moms under harsh judgement by family and friends when they decide to nurse.

I’m an Extended Breastfeeding Mom

I feel I can speak to this with a certain level of conviction, since I am an extended breastfeeding mom.  I breastfed my daughter until she was 3 1/2, which I have blogged about here a few times.  In fact, many are not aware, but the World Health Organization and UNICEF actually recommend breastfeeding until age two or longer for nutritional benefits, among a host of other benefits for mother and child.  The absolute minimum in most experts’ opinion is 6 months, yet that seems to be the time when the majority of Americans believe we should absolutely STOP NURSING.  Really?

Read what the U.S. Surgeon General has to say about breastfeeding »

Rather than seeing breasts as purely sexual (which is ridiculous by the way), shouldn’t we be using them for their intended purpose?  Just saying.

As you can probably tell, I’m not fond of the image that TIME chose, but I think this woman did something great that will resonate with some nursing moms despite of the media-skewed message.  She put her breastfeeding choices out there for all to see on the cover of TIME. Very brave…especially in our hyper-sexual, anti-breastfeeding society.  This message could still resonate with a lot of breastfeeding mothers who have trouble making it beyond the shame that’s attached to breastfeeding.  I hope that the conversation that this image has created could at least do that and allow more women to be so open and confident about their experiences and personal choices.  I know it’s motivated me to write this post…and that part of it is good.

As far as the negative press on breastfeeding, I’m more than tired of the shaming and attempts to make extended breastfeeding into something perverse and strange.  It’s not at all what it seems to be in the image above and it certainly isn’t a decision that we need people making for us or shaming us for.

When I first decided that I wanted to nurse my daughter, I set out with the goal of nursing for one whole year.  To me, that would have marked a success.  But after just one month of nursing, the questions already started coming…”When are you going to stop?”

One person told me that “after three months, it just starts to get creepy.”  Another told me that I should stop when my daughter started crawling, another when she starts walking/talking, or how about when she started eating solid foods, or when she start potty training?  It seemed like everyone has their own ideas, but overall, the general message to me was “this isn’t normal”.  From the first week, people pushed me to “break her in to a bottle”, but I held fast…because this mattered to me.

All I can say is that if I went by social norms and standards based on comments like this (which I got a lot of), I would have stopped nursing her at 3 months, since that’s about the time that MOST people seem to agree that nursing turns “perverse” or “unnecessary”.

My point is, the issue isn’t just that extended breastfeeding comes into question, but the fact that breastfeeding as a whole is seen as something strange…something that only a certain kind of mother does.  And that’s just not true.

I don’t know anything about Dr. Sears.  I’m not up on all the latest attachment parenting jazz.  I don’t even know what the so-called basic principles are, but I know this…I do what feels right for me.  And if that means co-sleeping, babywearing and extended breastfeeding, then so be it.  And that’s what every mom should do…what is right for her and her child.  PERIOD.

We shouldn’t have to worry about being “mom enough” and we shouldn’t pressure other moms to mimic our choices.  We shouldn’t have to cave in to suggestions from experts or the pressure of questions from squeamish family members.  Instead, we need to focus in on what is right for us and our child.

DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT FOR YOU.

© 2012, Chantilly Patiño. All rights reserved.

I just had to share this guest post from Michelle at Balancing Jane on Multicultural Familia.  Please do stop by and read it, if you haven’t already.  Everything I feel about this campaign is laid out so well in her arguments.  Excellent piece!  Click the link below to continue to the article.

Read on MulticulturalFamilia.com »

© 2012, Chantilly Patiño. All rights reserved.